How often do you feel overwhelmed with tasks? Anxiety? Other people’s demands? Your dreams and goals? There must be TOO much of something.
On top of decision we already have, we also have the pressure to make the RIGHT decisions. If we remove the pressure to make good decision and instead make aligned decisions by way of being crystal clear on who you want to become to live your truest life, we reduce the overwhelm by a lot. So let’s talk about when we feel overwhelmed.
Usually you have too much of saying yes to rules, obligations and expectations from other people; habit of saying yes, people are used to you doing all the things and saying yes so saying no or delegating feels impossible. This is a large commitment to independence instead of interdependence - this prevents assistance, support, collaboration, partnership, co-creation for solutions and division of labor which is one the best ways to deepen a relationship.
Where is the line between a positive attitude and dodging real life with a toxic positive mindset? One will set you in motion for abundance, the other will block all you are meant to have.
How have we turned what was intended to be a powerful option for maintaining a healthy attitude into a toxic pattern that actually limits our abundance and creates challenges in the moment and long term? Positivity is the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude; a good, affirmative, or constructive quality or attribute. Being positive and having an optimistic attitude means you have faith that on the other side of the challenge, the obstacle or the hardship you’ll be okay, it will all be okay. It’s the confidence that whatever feels hard or intimidating or even impossible is temporary and will dissipate in it’s level of difficulty.
It’s the knowing that further down the road this thing, big or small, could...
One of the most challenging things of being a driven, ambitious woman with chronic illness is consistency on anything. Consistency for a perfectionist is another nail in the coffin.
In full disclosure, consistency, as I knew it then, was difficult for me even before I got sick because I over extended myself and overcommitted regularly so it was impossible to keep any ball in the air consistently. But when I got sick it became very obvious to me that my intention to be consistent, heeding the advice I had been given from every mentor in my life, was fueling the perfectionism thought patterns and symptoms that led to more anxiety, self doubt, and the fear that I would fail. I interpreted Consistency as “every day” or “every time” and as a perfectionist, when I have a human moment and I am not that thing, do that action, have that experience, it meant I was failing at the perfect execution of consistency.
We hear that consistency is the...
All Relationships have expectations and rules - mostly unspoken and even more often we don’t realize we have them. These rules aren’t malicious - we have habits and patterns in relationships because as humans it makes sense that over time, there are predictable behaviors from one another.
Loyalty to someone other than yourself is breeding ground for inauthenticity and for surrendering your autonomy. Loyalty from others as a core value says that no matter what you need, being their support, on their side, in their lane is the priority. This means ignoring your own inner voice, your independent and individual needs. Autonomy is, by definition, the the quality or state of being self-governing especially. It is the ability to make your own decisions about your own person. It’s the freedom to decide what happens to you, with you and around you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Autonomy is the antithesis of codependency...
Productivity is the lie we've been told about how we're supposed to function. It's a performative based version of perfectionism. It's one of the legs of perfectionism that we have adopted into our lives that make us think that we're not actively doing something that qualifies as productive.
And that we should start doing more, doing more is the lie that we've been told. Doing more in terms of your relationships, doing more in terms of your health, doing more across the board is what we have been taught and then agreed to that we are here to do more. It doesn't matter what it is, just stay busy so that you're not being lazy. Procrastination is what we deem as laziness as well. But lazy is not a thing. Lazy has this negative connotation because it is the antithesis of productivity. Productivity is how perfectionists measure their day's success. A lot of us think at the end of the day, that if you weren’t productive that means I had a good...
We all crave peace, ease and a sense of purpose that fills us up and energizes us. And what we actually have oftentimes is a day-to-day experience of reacting and responding to the world around us and being on call for the other shoe to drop.
We have no idea what we want or how to feel peace and ease, most of us have a hard time even remembering when we felt that ease or that peace. We start looking at what’s wrong with us because we've tried to fix this a bunch of times, right? You've probably tried to put boundaries in place. You've probably incorporated some health and wellbeing practices and still you're not feeling okay. And so what we have to do first is acknowledge that perfectionism is more than just wanting things to be perfect and acknowledge that for the last several decades of your life, in order for you to feel safe enough to exist you've had to do these other things. Your energy and your attention has been placed somewhere else rather...
We hear these words a lot, with each passing year within the spiritual community and those steeped in quantum physics, talk more about energy, the law of attraction and manifesting.
We hear about alignment and abundance but what does it really mean?
Arranging pieces to be in the shortest path, a straight line… Alignment in terms of choices and decisions made that are congruent and supportive of the vision and goals you want to achieve and realize. Before we can talk about alignment, we have to get clear about having a vision. Because you can’t make aligned choices that will benefit you long term if you don’t have a consistent vision about the life you want. Having a clear vision of your business goals or your health goals exclusively is how so many of us burn out on any particular area of life. Balance sends those of us who are working on pulling away from people pleasing and overachieving and productivity addicted into a...
Lots of people are tired of hearing about the term self-awareness and if you've been exposed to any kind of self-help book or motivational section of the library, it can be a little daunting sometimes to look at all the ways you can better yourself.
And there’s extreme pain and you acknowledge that there's something bigger than yourself, something bigger than your ego. Self-awareness is all of those things and so much more depending on who you ask, right? But the perception of you by others and what roles and identities you have agreed to is part of yourself, including the easy or genius levels of qualities, skills and traits, but also the things that you need to outsource because you're not good at. And that's what self-awareness is about from my perspective, knowing that you contribute to your situation at any given moment is an important thing to realize, and being aware of your contribution every time there's a person that you're...
One of the most challenging parts of being a perfectionist is the continuous reality checks we receive when we think we have finally figured it out. IT being your health plan, your relationship communication, your money saving budget and then reality swoops in and reminds you that NOTHING is that predictable.
No matter how hard we work at creating the perfect plan, the most beautiful strategy that accounts for all the mishaps and potential detours, reality is not plannable.
Big and small. Enormous game changing obstacles and little tiny micro hindrances all add up to an ongoing opportunity to remember that we aren’t in control of anything, even our own selves, our own bodies sometimes.
You have a few choices:
- Deny that the setback occurred and try to move forward with plan A
- Throw your hands up in defeat and say why bother, and stop making plans.
-Or start to expect that there will be detours and obstacles in every plan you make
Knowing that your...
Who do you need to forgive in order to land in 2021 with more peace and freedom? If you just answered yourself, you are not alone.
What does it mean to forgive ourselves? Where do we feel the pull of guilt, shame, and remorse? And what happens when you have the underlying sense of unresolved forgiveness of lack of reconciliation?
To cease to feel resentment against an offender, it’s the detachment of carrying the resentment with you of a mistake or harmful situation. Forgiveness is something we crave when we feel guilt, shame, or remorse.
We feel these things in parenting, partnering, in managing our money, in how we interact with our parents, our friends, our clients, our coworkers…You’re carrying guilt about whether you call your parents enough, whether you are available for your kids enough or in the right way, for not being the initiator for sex with your partner, not responding to texts or...