Most of us wake up thinking about all the things we have to do the workday ahead, the kids’ schedule, phone calls, content that needs to be planned, the schedule for the day, and the things that didn’t get done yesterday. If you are like me, it takes a bit of time to rewind your morning thoughts to “What do I want?”, and “What do I need?”.
That’s what I eventually get to. Then, I do my morning breathwork, repeat my current affirmations and absolute truths, and then I get out of bed.
As soon as I leave my bedroom though, I’m presented with choices about what I allow into my mind, into my energy, and what influences how I experience myself and the world.
I haven’t had my phone notifications on in so many years, so I don’t even remember where to find them in my phone. This is because I had observed that my day to day interaction with the world was reactionary. I was seeing what others said on social media, and then responding to them. I was receiving emails from people asking me for appointments, favors, things, etc., and I was responding to their needs and requests first thing in the morning.
I was looking outside myself first, at the beginning of my day, for what’s happening to me and my life. Eventually (maybe), I'd get to the stuff I wanted to do. But in all honesty, the only thing I allowed myself to do is to work. There is always something “productive” I could be doing.
Maybe you are in this perpetual response mode to the world around you? It’s something to consider.
Many of us learn to focus on one or two things instead of the life we actually want to experience every day. We are taught to lean hard into financial accomplishments or achieve academic success so we can get a good job. As we talk about constantly in the BBY community, we are taught to please the people around us and make them comfortable.
We learn how to be good moms, good partners, good daughters, good sisters, and good friends.
We end up spending our day chasing this effort to be the “good” and “right” version of who the world has told us we are supposed to be. Often, this leaves us feeling like we are doing something wrong. Why isn’t this making me happy? Why don’t I feel fulfilled?
We are so focused on how to control our lives so that everyone around us is comfortable and happy with our existence, and that we have done enough. We have avoided disappointing anyone, avoided conflict, and made everyone else see that we are fine, but we don’t actually make the progress we could make to design a life that lights us up!
Our energy and attention is given to the demands, expectations, and obligations - again, the rules that we unintentionally agreed to, and we feel like we are chasing our tail.
But, that’s not why we are each here on this planet. The dreams you have (outwardly, or maybe they are unspoken so far), are in your heart and in your awareness because you are meant to do something with them.
We are here to experience the fullness of our human journey. So, what do YOU want?
This includes health, wealth, creative expression, and spiritual experiences. This includes the relationships you get to have - the ones that challenge you, inspire you, celebrate you, and adore your very existence. This clarity is absolutely crucial for you to be intentional in your life. Allowing yourself to be honest with yourself about what it is you actually want (and what would light you up on the inside) is how you live the life you are meant to live.
That’s the first step - get crystal clear with what you want right now. The second step is to ask yourself this question:
The simple answer-who you were before the world told you to be all these other things. Underneath that answer is all of the little shifts, patterns, and habits that create your day-to-day life now.
Knowing what you want.
Making a practice of becoming the person who has that life.
Each day, peel back another layer of “shoulds” and “have-tos”, to reveal what you want and who you are. Re-design your habits in relationships with people, money, your creativity, and your body-it’s truly that simple. For some of us, a little therapy or energy works to support the healing process as well.
But, it really comes down to asking: “Who do I need to become to have the life that I dream of?”
It’s about aligning your daily activities, your energy, and your attention, to become that person who is living that life. For example:
What do they do when they wake up?
How do they move through their day?
What do they say yes to and no to?
Who are they in relationships with?
What kind of friendships do they keep?
What are their thoughts, their gratitudes, their intentions?
What boundaries did they put in place to be able to DO the life they are living?
It is the cumulative effect, and compound effect, of doing these small things. Make small pivots each day to become the person who has that life, and is living it fully.
What if your entire day was designed and built to create the fast track to your healing, your goals, and achieving your dreams?
What would it be like to feel confident in your ability to follow through on a plan?
What would it feel like to know you are in alignment with your values, and were no longer taking on the responsibility of your parents’ pride, or your friends’ and siblings’ approval?
What would it be like if you weren’t spending your days chasing this image of what you think you are supposed to be, and instead, give yourself the permission to be truly who you were born to be?
Again, ask yourself: “Who do I need to become to have the life that I dream of?”
As I said, this is simple, but it’s NOT easy. This is why I do what I do! It’s so much easier to do this work and to undo all the rules, expectations, and obligations you unintentionally adopted and absorbed. You can have someone outside of the whirlwind of your mind asking you questions and helping you figure out what you really want, without the filter of other people’s voices and, have compassion in the accountability of moving forward.
Then, I decided to get more intentional about how my daily life was going to happen. As I have shared before, many of my adult years have been spent working endlessly to reach my financial goals. Even with a cozy, 6-figure income from my direct sales business, it never felt like I was going to make enough to know we’d be okay. But, I kept working long hours and pouring into anyone who would receive my help.
I then realized my entire day was built around achieving my work goals-the sales goals and team-building goals. The end result that I was focusing on was building the business that would provide security for my two kids, my husband, and our future. This was noble in my mind, but it wasn’t effective for the kinds of relationships I wanted to have.
I made time for my kids and my husband, but whenever I was with them, I was worried I wasn’t working enough. Whenever I was working, I was worrying that I wasn’t with them enough. This is the cycle of response and reactionary mode of an inflated goal.
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