Adventures Are Supposed to be Scary

Hey, so uhhh, talking about your VISION, BIG IDEA, and BOLD NEW LIFE...scary as fuck right?? 

You might be having swirling thoughts of:

Who am I?

What am I doing?

What will my family and friends think?

But I’m on the PTA!!

How could I possibly???

I’m too old(or young)!!!

But I just paid off all of this shit!


When you give yourself time to catch a tiny glimpse of what life could really be like do you break out in a cold sweat? Start doing that laugh-cry thing where your loved ones aren't exactly sure how to support you? Maybe everything goes black for a second and you hear a high-pitched ringing sound and then spend the next two days on the couch eating chips and watching tv(or so I’m told)? Did you pee a little?


Look, all of this is super normal(and a good sign that you’re on the right track). It is scary to decide that things need to change. It is scary to admit to yourself that you are growing and that you want a life for yourself that currently doesn’t exist. And it should be, new adventures are scary as shit! Hell, I just peed a little for you.  But here’s the good news, it will not happen all at once.  And that is super comforting because it gives you time to prepare, it allows you the time and space you need to get ready for each piece of your vision as it arrives. 


Think about it this way: if you were about to bring a baby home(yours or someone else’s, it's your life I don’t judge) you wouldn’t just drop the kid in the nearest basket and hope for the best would you? No, of course not, you would get rid of anything that looks sharp, cover the electrical outlets and take the couch from college that you found on the curb back to the curb and replace it with a crib. You’d prepare, for 9 whole months you’d prepare and check, and double-check, and purchase, and read, and go to classes and even have a party.  So, if you are willing to do that much work for a phase of your life that only lasts 18months before everything changes all over again, you damn sure can do it for yourself so you can be the true badass you were really meant to be.


Here’s the secret: Take a deep breath, embody that version of yourself from the not-so-distant future -- feel how she feels, think what she thinks, let that intoxicating feeling of true freedom wash over you -- take a good look around and ask yourself:  “Which of these things is going to help me on my journey”, and with an honest open heart begin to make some decisions.



You’ll wake up with an empty closet and a house that looks like you just got hit by the Grinch on Christmas eve.  Just take it slow, you still need some of that stuff to get you from milestone to milestone on this trip.  Release the things you don’t need right now, some will be big and some will be small, and as you do new things will enter your life that will get you to the next phase of the journey. Then, in a little while, release some more. 


This part can get a little dicey, you see - when you are making room for your awesome new existence other people might get a little nervous. Chances are you have been the one holding all of this shit together and now, in big and small ways you are changing things. Like it or not those changes have a ripple effect and it will touch the lives of those you love.  YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEELINGS AND ACTIONS OF OTHERS. Be kind, be gentle, but most importantly remember: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEELINGS AND ACTIONS OF OTHERS.


What does that look like you ask, well I’ll tell you. Say for example you take that nice deep breath, you let your head and heart travel to your awaiting inner badass and you look around and see….a family portrait hanging on the wall, and maybe after a moment or two you realize that you’ve been hanging onto it because “you’re supposed to” not because you want to, maybe you realize that you only got it done because that’s what your parents did, maybe when you look at it you realize that what you are really seeing is the struggle and uncertainty of your life at that time, or maybe you just can’t connect with the people you were then. So, your inner badass lets you know: “this isn’t getting us to where we really want to go”, and you decided to release it.


But wait, there's more...the peanut gallery(aka your family and friends) can’t believe you’d get rid of that precious memento from your past, and say things like: “are you sure?” and “but you’ve had it for so long!”, and my personal favorite “the kids may want that some day”.  So here’s what you do: with love and grace you offer it to them, don’t be shitty about it, realize that although you don’t understand their feelings they are real and as a gesture of kindness allow them the chance to have it, as a gift.  And, when they inevitably say no, donate it, sell it, upcycle it, recycle it, turn it into a piece of art or just throw it away. 


Don’t ever forget it’s your “I’m-making-space-for-my-new-badass-life” so do what you want, you can even cry if you want to, the most important thing is that you are staying true to yourself and honoring the journey of realizing your vision.This shit is hard, with it will come hard conversations not only with others but with yourself, it will require you to get really comfortable with the idea that those dreams you have of a big bold life aren’t crazy and you do in fact deserve them. 


Breathe. Honor the past. Release.


  1. this applies to all things, and someone will have something to say about whatever it is you are releasing.

Just in case, I’ve created these scenarios you can practice alone or with a friend before encountering resistance:


Releasing a relationship?: 

“Oh are you sure?”

“Yep I’m sure, it’s just time, we are headed in different directions”

“But you’ve been together for so long!!”

“Do you want it?”

“Err uhh, no?”


Donate it, sell it, upcycle it, recycle it, turn it into a piece of art or just throw it away.

Releasing your box of highschool memories?:

“Oh but why?”

“Because I wore this in highschool and I’m now 40”

“But don’t you want to save it for the kids?”

“No, but would you like it?”

“Oh no, i couldn’t, that didn’t fit me in highschool”


Donate it, sell it, upcycle it, recycle it, turn it into a piece of art or just throw it away.


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